image description: a small wooden artist’s model of a human body leans forward to cradle the shadow of a flower. to the far right, the flower, a yellow calendula, leans in toward him. both stand against a purple wall, with sunlight feeding in from right to left.
image description: a small wooden artist’s model of a human body leans forward to cradle the shadow of a flower. to the far right, the flower (a yellow calendula) leans in toward the body. both stand against a purple wall, with sunlight feeding in from right to left.

@feesable is a queer, neurodivergent, geek arts activist and writer dedicated to #nature #diversity #equity & #creativesocialjustice who used to be a nomad and is currently rooting. gender nonconforming (she/they). salford, uk.

unfeesable (this elist/blog) is a safe space to discuss how fuckin HARD life can be while we struggle to survive systems designed to harm us AND work together to build a sustainable future for all humans and the planet. navigating the two is probably humanity's greatest challenge to date. we all need a bit of help here, including me.

about me
neurologically i'm a sponge - soaking up everything i observe and experience around me. my autism wants to understand everything; my adhd wants to experience everything; and my trauma wants to protect me and everyone from everything. (i'm still untangling all the imbalances and opportunities they bring collectively). i'm also a bridge, fascinated by the intersections between silos (arts/tech/business since 1996, now arts/tech/justice), and a weaver of people and ideas.

over the last decade i've been unlearning social conditioning, learning everything i can about sociopolitical histories (how we got to where we are), and how past and present campaigns aim to manifest change (what's worked/hasn't). i believe that legacy change works best when it starts within the self, then across our closest communities, and from there out into the wider world. that's my underlying strategy and where i'm focusing my next steps.

i've lived an unconventional life, absorbing many different tendrils around all this - professionally around the world, and personally against a backdrop of some intense recent life crises (homelessness, breakdown following retriggered trauma, complex bereavement, and neurodivergent late diagnosis). life got so damned hard in the last seven years that i dropped out of everything for a while. i'm now slowly rebuilding and want to use this space to share some of the swirls, connections, observations and ideas that have arisen. i know that honest vulnerability is a strength not a weakness, and want something positive to come from all this collective pain. i'm more jack of all trades than expert in any one of them, and i know others are on similar journeys and seek trusted companionship, solidarity, validation, and community during these tumultuous times. my hope is that this can help us all to help ourselves and each other.

i acknowledge that my autism can overload others (oversharing personal stuff, and jumping to conclusions while not explaining how i got there). my adhd often leaves me overexcited and impulsive. my trauma sometimes leaks out in what can appear as rage, which i am aware can be uncomfortable to those who aren't used to women-shaped-people expressing anger.

i do not apologise for holding rage at injustice, as this is an entirely understandable emotional response: it teaches us things are not right and must change. the combination of managing all of my vulnerabilities together alongside external triggers can often shut me down completely. in other words: i am still learning, i have made many mistakes in the past and expect to make many mistakes in future - no one has all the answers, here. i take full responsibility for my fallibilities and promise to rectify errors to the best of my power. i invite you to call me out when i fuck up: it's how i learn. i value directness and honesty over subtlety and obfuscation. and i swear. a lot.

about this space
i am still going through my own recovery journey, and am learning how to prioritise wellbeing over 'productivity' (work previously mattered more to me than my own health). i am unlikely to post to a predefined schedule (certainly at first), and may not respond immediately to comments and messages (i will respond, just as and when i can). i will do all in my power to hold a safely brave space here, which includes asserting my own access requirements, boundaries, and values, and protecting those who come here with their own honest vulnerabilities. i acknowledge that life's stressors can mean that we might act in ways we later regret, and i will respond with compassion should this happen here with anyone (including myself). however i will not tolerate bigotry or wilful ignorance. this is a space to learn and grow according to each of our needs and circumstances, not a place 'be right' or dominate others. humans and existence are complex, we often hold multiple truths which may feel paradoxical and deeply uncomfortable... this is part of our learning.

i am a perpetual over-sharer and write for release, curiosity, to share what i have learned so far, and to seek support with issues i'm uncertain about myself. sometimes i'll write lengthy missives (like this one!), sometimes they'll be formed theories or 'aha moments'. other times they'll be questions and ponderings which are swirling for me in those moments as various threads interconnect or disrupt each other.

i want this to be a free to access space, although i may add options for those who wish to support me financially further down the track - with no pressure to do so. for now some posts will be fully public and some only accessible to free subscribers (i want you to feel safe here too, which can often mean that a more vigilant curation of community is necessary). if you see anything here which requires immediate attention, please message me tagging it as urgent.

about you
i would deeply love for you to feel safely brave enough to be active in this space; i seek discussion here, not just readership. i understand all-too-well that much of this stuff can be daunting (new language, new ways of being/working/coexisting; learning uncomfortable truths and unlearning harmful social conditioning; awkward uncertainties about not knowing/fear of getting things 'wrong', etc etc). i therefore warmly encourage you to ask me if you don't understand or want to know more (whether that's publicly or privately). where possible i will link you through to those with lived experience, especially if it is not my own personal lens (following the principle of 'walk with, don't speak for'). if you seek supports outside of this group, i will do my best to help you find those pathways, however i am not a therapist or trained professional - your journey is your own, as mine is my own.

i actively encourage you to throw questions at me if there are things you'd like me or others here to draw on. if you want that to be anonymous, just PM me and i'll add it to the list of potential posts, without your name attached. if you have anything that you'd like me to share outwardly (either through here or my social media feeds) please make clear if you want to be credited or stay anonymous, and provide a pre-formed message where possible (i.e. an image+brief text, which is faster for me to just get out there than extracting my own version). you can also tag me in social posts if you want a signal boost for causes which match my ethics (I'm @feesable on most platforms).

i mostly think (and therefore, write) about:
* neurodivergence, mental health & wellbeing
(specifically late diagnosis female traits within autism, adhd and developmental trauma, the social versus medical model, self-healing, somatic experiencing, peer support, disordered eating, homelessness, poverty, addiction, suicidal ideation, menopause, and safeguarding when working with vulnerable people, pause and integration)
* creative digital culture (allthings creative tech, especially online culture, collaboration, arts policy and data ethics)
* human rights & social justice (particularly centred on grassroots communities, coproduction, strategic campaigning and activism, universal basic income/donut economies, equitable policy reform. i focus on the intersectionality of social justice, equality, equity, diversity, and inclusivity - stitching together Indigenous Rights, antiracism, disability, lgbtqia, feminism, climate/ecosystems, radical honesty, consent culture and relationship anarchy)
* nature (allotments, permaculture, trees, waterways, land rights, The Commons, right to roam)
* language (nonviolent communication, upwording, deep listening, active questioning, evidence-based research and investigation)
* travel (used to live fulltime in a bus in Australia and for shorter stints in vans in UK, so i'm more interested in nomadicy than tourism)

so… if you got this far and still want more: sign up and introduce yourselves :)

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sommat's gotta give. navigating the seemingly unfeasible struggle to survive systems designed to harm us, while also working together to build a sustainable future for all humans and the planet.



neurodivergent queer geek arts writer #nature #diversity #equity #creativesocialjustice [she/they]